‘Inside the rise of “relationship virgins”’

Single and stigmatised: Grown-ass men and women who've never been in a relationship tell us what it's really like…

If you believe the movies then romantic relationships are the most significant element of life; they're THE connection needed for deep fulfilment and meaning. But, if that’s true, then what if you’re not part of romance, does that mean you’re missing out on that emotional perspective that's necessary to provide meaning to your life? And what if you’ve never been part of a partnership and you’re a, dun-dun-dunnnnnn…a ‘relationship virgin’?

In her studies social psychologist and author, Bella DePaulo has noted that people who make it to their 20s and beyond without ever having a relationship are often stigmatised with a view that they are “less happy, less well-adjusted, and lonelier than adults of the same age who did have romantic relationship experience.”

But in her book, Singled Out, DePaulo says that stereotype isn’t fair. The Harvard Ph.D. expert argues, “everything you've heard about the benefits of getting married and the perils of staying single are grossly exaggerated or just plain wrong.”

In Australian a 2014 Pew Report forecasts that by the time today's 20-30-somethings reach the age of 50, about one in four of them will have never married. But hold your panic because that's not necessarily a bad thing. Other data suggests single people tend to have greater involvement with the broader community than those coupled up.

"Single people are expanding the traditional boundaries of family. The people they care about the most might include family in the traditional sense. But they’ll also loop in friends, ex-partners and mentors. It’s a bigger, more inclusive family of people who matter," Dr DePaulo said.

So who is right? Hollywood or the Harvard expert?

In a bid to debunk the myths we spoke to some long-standing singles who shared their experiences about doing things solo. After a few chinwags it soon became clear that despite their unattached status, these ‘relationship virgins’ still, shock horror, lead meaningful and authentic lives as single people. Have a gander...

There’s more to this story. It was originally published on whimn.com.au — click the link if you want to read the full yarn…